Show me your money...

So... The Yuletide holiday's bring people together(?!), everyone gets merry, and generally we all over-indulge heavily right... (This year, chill out on the sherry Nan, please!) O, plus debauchery of some sort usually takes place too! God love Christmas!

Back to debauchery...

The meaning: 1 a : extreme indulgence in sensuality b plural : orgies 2 archaic : seduction from virtue or duty.

I met up with some mates the other day. We took some time out of the pre-Xmas craziness to enjoy some un-festive pints, and discuss what has been going on in our lives... (As none of us ever stay in touch throughout the year - leaving me at times wondering if any of us actually like one-another...)

Well, anyway, everyone has a 'lad' mate, and ours did not disappoint... I mean I knew he had gone to Spain this summer, like Ibiza or somewhere, but the story he had created for himself was quite genius!

We all know the agenda when visiting these Spanish 'Party-Isles' - sun, getting shit-faced, and most importantly sex, check. After infilling with details from some of the more 'mediocre' nights, my mate decided, that on his next conquest he would refrain from any gawdy-looking British birds (the sort with the crispy-fried bikini lines) and instead, take on the might of a Spanish whore-house...

He said, that week he had been eyeing the place up (prices were competitive at between €80—€100) Suitably gassed up, he went stumbling towards the noted district and ventured in... It was grimey, dark, and seedy... Two old blokes sitting in the corner getting dances!

The conversation:

"Oow much?" my mate asked.

"€80..." replied the whore-secretary...

"Deeal" came the reply.

He was taken to a little side-room, lowly lit, crimson walls... (so all the clichés are true...) He had half and hour to have his way...

He had lined up a Hispanic-Latino, and claims he 'strapped up' - but became a tad sheepish when asked this question?! When she turned round, apparently she was startled by the size of his rager (I am skeptical of his cock-sureness, as he is only a small guy...) He reckoned she rarely got any young and feisty lads, just the usual old spunkers... Eurgh!

Once there though, he said any thought of coming-quick left his mind. To quote, "I drilled the shit out of her, she was loving it!" - her head smacking against the headboard, screaming! But, in spite of his determination to see-out his 30-minute filling, he failed! 12 minutes! Poor...

Hats off to the boy though! I mean sitting in a local pub, at Christmas, surrounded but fellow punters, but also some families trying to have a nice Crimbo (I hate this expression) meal, and we're louting about roaring at each detail from his adventure, tearing some bird to pieces... So lads, Magaluf in the summer...